She's the barista slut.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
