Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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