plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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