Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize