Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
