You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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