High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
