Dual....:-)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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