I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
