as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
