If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
