...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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