I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
