So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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