definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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