So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
