I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
