There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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