i would punch a child for taco bell
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
