lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
