You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
