my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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