Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
