Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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