1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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