1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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