my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
