Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
