So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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