At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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