but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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