Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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