Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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