I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
