It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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