i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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