there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
