the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
