Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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