Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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