Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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