the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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