my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
