sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
