this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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