Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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