I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
