Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
