come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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