I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
