she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
