I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
