just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
