he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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