The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ugly people sure do ruin things
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
