Got a toothbrush?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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