i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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