You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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