Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
