So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
