I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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