You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
