he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
