I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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