Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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