I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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