sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
