Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize