Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
