3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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