You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
