My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
