Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
