worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
