So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
