I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The air was thick with penises
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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