he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
