I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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