But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
