But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
